Come Vibe With Me ..... - Completely out of character

The other day at the mall i met a guy. He was cute, pretty tall, taller than most guys running around the st. louis area, anyway, he came over and sat next to me the bench where i was sitting. We talked for a bit when he came over, and when it was time for me to go he asked if we oculd exchange numbers. Of course Ty popped into my head, but some part of me gave him my number anyway.Me giving him my number was followed up my guilt, so i called judy to talk about it. I got the " why would u do that when u trying to work on something with Tyrus" speech...and no one has to give me that speech, i know oh to well that normally i wouldn't have done that when trying to work on something with someone, but ..what it all boils down to is this. Tyrus has giving me reasons to doubt him, to doubt that he is ready to move on from his ex. Even with this doubt, i still carried on and gave him special treatment. Now i feel as though I'm breaking down a bit in that area. Maybe i'll answer the phone for you when im busy maybe i won't.

So the guy called me like 40 mins after we exchanged numbers. I didn't answer the phone, i told Judy i wouldn't cuz i didn't want to feel guilty about it. Well that was yesterday or the day before i can't really remember, but he called again a lil while ago. I answered and we had a nice lil conversation.Of course this guy is not someone i would consider dating right now, right off the back he has 3 kids, one of whom is 1 yrs old. It's just, why am i feeling so guilty? It's pretty clear to me that i'm really putting in a lot of effort with this whole Tyrus thing, but my doubts are beginning to outweight themselves, so i have to stand clear and recognize that.

I'm a lil sensitive about all this because I've been through it just totally on the opposite end. He knows all about what i went through, so i'm trying to have faith in him being a better person than having the nerve to put me through it again. I don't think anything is really going on with he and his ex, it's just that he is still so close to her, texting and calling everyday. And as not to be a hyprocrite, i talk to d everyday too, but D is 132543253 miles away, his ex is right around the corner.

I also think that his age gas a lot to do with his behavior and actions. I will trust you and give u all the freedom in the world as long as i don't feel threatened and right now I do. We've talked about it, " i don't want her, i want you" so there is pretty much nothing left to do but give it to God. He says I am his best friend and i can believe that. I'm just so confused. How can I continue to be there for him in a loving affectionate manner, without completely losing myself in the process?

In other news, i'm conflicted on what to do tonight. I'm not sure what's going on with Judy, but i think it has something to do with her insecurities again. Earlier today around 11 ish she called to talk about the guy she likes, and then said"let me get off this phone to go get my hair done" I'm like o.k...the day before tha she was saying how busy today was spose to be cuz she had to work both jobs, get her hair done and try to find something to wear. So i called her back cuz i jus thought of something and she didnt answer but called me from her house phone. I was thinking,"thought u were going to get hair done" but i didnt say anything. So this evening i found myself bored with nothing to do and no one to hang with. I could call crystal and see wha she doing but i dun know, dun feel like hearing the excuses. Tw had to work, Ty is out, so i called J,'wha time u get off work?" Oh i don't have to work today.I'm like wtf! But i ignore tha too, so im like ok lets go out then and she like well i'm at the mall now, and soon as i drop my dad off i'll be over. So i get dressed, and sitting around waiting, 45 mins later she calls to say," i forgot i'm getting my hair done at 9:30 maybe we can do something after"

At this point, i'm jus like ughh i might as well stay in! But i have one other option, i might go with my mom and cousin from out of state to this lil bar/lounge. I dun want to tho because it jus gonna be a bunch of old guys, and im not gonna have anyone to really talk to cuz my mom and i aren't 'friends" like tha..she has never been the friend to me tha other moms are with their daughters. It'd be more like, "why ur breast all out like that?" and when my uncles and cousins start making "grown people jokes' she be like " how u gone say tha in front of Lacy" So ughhhh ..staying home would be a nice option but ..i wont have my car, or any acces to one so i won't be able to get me sum food if i want....