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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

You're So Sexy....Sep. 9, 2005

I already know im not gonna do any work today lol Well i went upstairs because I was supposed to be getting lunch, but as usual  there was nothing up there, so oh well. Neway, my recent  obsession has gotten me all off course and no im not talking about Tyrus! I don't know what it is or why i keep thinking about it, and watching things about it, or listening to stories about it lol it's just like ahhh....

Anyway, i have been thinking a lot about M. I really get where she's coming from, at first it threw me off like"why is she so upset" but then i thought about it and it's like yes of course! I thought back to my own feelings when i was in tha situation. It makes you kinda crazy, it makes u come off as being kinda obsessed, it makes u wonder....

He said something profound to me when we were arguing," i get defensive because i was defending you, because she was jealous tha i made u so close  it took you months what took her years to get from me!" And now it makes so much more sense!

When it was me, seein someone get so close , get things from him that i wasn't getting even though we weren't together was killing me. We weren't together but it was wha he wanted, to my knowledge it was never about me doing anything wrong..so if i wasn't the problem then why did he even need her?

Well with them it diff..she was the problem, she put him down,she nags, she curses em out, and then finding out not only does he not want to be with her , tha he has someone else he feels treats him better  is a hard pill to swallow.

I feel bad for her, i really do, but some people really have to lose what they had before they realize how much it really was. It does get on my nerve tha she can't let go though, with me it was like i was waiting on him because he kept telling me lil sugarcoated things how he wanted to work it out n stuff, but with them it was like she kept telling him she doesnt love him anymore, tha she doesnt want it anymore, and one day he realized he had enuff...because tha my friends is called emotional abuse. So when u get wha u want by telling him to go, and he finally does go, why can't u just suck it up and go on about ur business? She call herself not liking me, well guess wha, the feeling is mutual!


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