What i need is to give all my pain and heartaches to God, i can't do
this on my own. I can't be strong and keep it together..i just can't. I
want to be more trusting in general, not just for Tee but for any guy
who im dating. Yes dating, not friends with benefits...dating...and
it's serious. I know how much he loved his ex, three years and ur first
love? Come on..it's only natural and normal that he still loves her.
I'm not stupid of course he still loves her, he hasn't said that to me
or really done anything that makes me feel he does, it's just one of
those things i know.
She really hurt him, she's just the kind of girl who has a good thing
and f*ckes it up for the rest of us. Cheated and she's a b*tch(bad
attitude, nagging all the time, cursing him out over lil things)
whoa..bad combo
anyway, sometimes even if u really really like someone, u dun wanna be
in a relationship right after u got out of one, especially if it ended
badly.
But since we lost that special thing to each other it kinda bonds us
even more. It makes me want to try harder, not gonna have it be in vain
u know. My past with guys makes me want to stop being all nice and
caring, makes me want to be selfish and only care about my needs, lol
but i can't, i just can't =/ Even though we are dating and only dating
each other, i just don't think I'M ready for the boyfriend/girlfriend
status..my emotions are too weak, my trust issues are too high, and im
having self perception issues as welll....am i too nice, should i be
meaner, become the typa of girl every guy seems to go for these day?
Stuff like that, i'm just not ready...at least i'm not confused
anymore, i want it, but im just not ready for it. *heavy sigh* it
wouldn't be right...i would always wonder what he doing when he's not
with me, who's he talking to me if he's not on the phone with
me...AHHHH I'm not that girl, and that's not my idea of a good
relationship! And i won't put him or anyone through that....I've
already been there with Dakota and it sucked bad.
Maybe this weekend we can do something special, go back to where we had our first date, i'd like that.
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