I
couldn't sleep at all last night....by 3am i contemplated getting up on
getting on here. By 4 am i was on the phone with Tw. I'm not sure what
time i actually fell asleep, but it wasn't without any pain.
I've decided to give up on guys and love. I've decided to be
withdrawn and cold, especially if i start to like someone because
the ones i like end up being the wrong ones...it's been a proven fact.
I'm not sure about Tyrus, perhaps perhaps it wasn't the right time for
us to try anything, I still want him, but i'm starting to feel like
he's putting up his wall that I at one time was breaking through, but
because of all the guy drama in my life...who can blame him for
feeling a lil insecure about our situation.
It's
a shame too because he's a really good guy, who's had his equal
share of let downs....i didn't want to be one of them , but i guess I
am. OMg that sucks, and i don't know what to do about it. Yes i
stress over other guys, but it's not what he thinks. When i'm trying
something with a guy, I'n only concentrating on being with him. Other
guys upset me but it's just that i care so much about other people and
feel hurt when it seems they don't care as much for me..when they
should! But am i sad over kory because i want to be with him? No...that
part of my heart has been over, but there was a time when I WAS with
him and those were nice times, it just saddens me so much that even
after all that, he doesn't respect me enough to heed my words and treat
me the way a friend is supposed to treat a friend.
I still
have feelings for dakota, but I'm not even trying to work on anything
with him, not while i have someone else in my thoughts. That's just the
way i work...perhaps i should tell Tee that, but i don't know.
The person i feel for the worse is someone who has never ever hurt me,
well once but it was a matter of pride. Tw IS THE IDEAL
BOYFRIEND....he's virtually perfect...he's very respectful of the rules
of relationships. He knows how to balance a female friendship to where
it doesn't make his gf feel threatened. He's a great and loyal
friend...which says a lot about what kind of mate a person will be.
He's hard working, very hard working, and wants a family...and
cares so much for me and always puts my feelings first, and respects my
family..and they respect him, ....the biggest thing, my father approved
of Tw....but...
Anyway, lastnight actually around 3: 45 am, i
did something i never do..prayed a seflish prayer. I prayed that God
gives me the kind of love and mate i need, someone nurturing, loving,
respectful, someone who is devoted to me..and only me.
I don't know why love is so important to me but is, and because i don't
see it changing anytime soon, the lack of it i'm feeling right now
affects everything in my life..and that sucks!
Perhaps the person i need is already here, perhaps it someone new, i don't know...but....for now...we'll see.
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