Everything
is laid out on the table now. I told Kory exactly how I felt
about everything. I've spent a year worrying about these three
people, hoe they perceive me, how they felt, how they took
certain things i did/didn't do. My heart has always been big to them,
my friends, people I loved and cared for very much, but just who
happened to do things that hurt my feelings from time to time. And for
that I backed away. It was not a thing out a malice or spite, i just
didn't like constantly being stepped on.
Crystal, I've
known since i was in 7th grade. We became best friends in 8th. From 8th
grade to high school we went through a lot of things together.
Sophomore year Crystal got her first boyfriend, someone she deemed
ugly, but that with my insisting she give him a chance she did. Slowly
her world evolved around him, which i couldn't blame her...first loves
ya know. But it wasn't til that world started to include his friends,
and excluding her own did it start to bother me. By prom, crystal went
with her boyfriend and his friends and I went with mine. We each had
hotel parties to attend after, but at the actual dance Crystal took
pictures with her boyfriend, and then another set with a girl we both
knew. Best friends right? I thought best friends took pics at prom? But
hey i could have been wrong.
This is around the time i
started hanging out with Judy. Judy was a nice girl, who's best friend
was also tripping, we just bonded i guess. Anyway..
By
graduation, crystal's mom did a dedication to crystal, crystal's
boyfriend, and the boyfriend's best friend. That showed me just how
much she really valued our friendship...her own mother didn't even
think to include me.
Needless to say things weren't the same
for us after that, but things really hit the fan freshman year of
college, she went away, i stayed local. We emailed every now and then,
and somehow her boyfriend became the subject. I ended up telling
her she could do better, which caused her to get very offended. She
demanded to know what kind of things her bf lacked, wha made me say
'such a thing' and when i started listing things..it only got worse.
She did all but curse me out, told me he was HER man and no one had to
like him but her! I did not mean mean to upset her and didn't blame her
for her reaction, but i did feel hurt, (she pushed me away from him and
HIS FRIENDS who talked about her, called her ugly, but they were the
popular kids so she endured it) but even through all that, i was the
one there for her to lean on when HE would make her cry( which she
somehow forgot about) but i never will....
That was the
defining moment of our friendship, it never recovered....Fast forward
till 2 years after high school...i got back in touch with my prom date,
which was a guy she hooked me up with. Back in high school he liked
her, but by then he was into me. Her man was her first, and she didnt
want to marry him only experiecing sex with him. So she wanted to have
a fling, i suggested the guy she'd known awhile from church or
whatever, but nah she didn't want him. She ended up going to my old
prom date, Johny, who at the time was dating me. He told me about
it, called her a dity ho...it hurt me to the core...but i never said
anything to him about it. I just asked him if he still liked her, he
said no, and said he could have slept with her by now, but instead he
chose to tell me about it...i respected him for that, but that same
year we went out of town to Atlanta for her b-day and who was calling
her ? Johny.....Fast forward to last year , i was told weight loss
would help my tumor condition...Crystal had just lost about 30
lbs, so of course i went to her for help ....she would just always give
these vague answers.." oh you know, eating right, exercise" yes
anyone can tell me that, but what i needed to know was her exact
routine...MY LIFE WAS ON THE LINE =/ but instead i got vagueness..of
course she'd voice her concern for me, "I'm gonna go to your next doc
appointment with u" the docs wanted me to get brain surgery...i
told her of my next doc appointment...but was she anywhere in
sight when that day came up? NO..HELL NO...it was then that i started
to feel overwhelmed by the "friendship" ....i started to back away....
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