I
FEEL BAD.....last night was supposed to be part two of my evening with
Tee the day before. So, we planned to start out early around 6 or
7 pm, but we caught a bad, bad, bad, storm,some people's power is just
not coming back on and the storm starting around 3ish yesterday
afternoon. Neway, his l ights were out and he ended up falling asleep(
wha else is there to do with no power) til i texed him around 9
and woke him up. My brother comes to me and reminds me about his show
tha same evening..i'm not thinking DAMN ..i already promised Tee, and
plus earlier my cousin came in from out of town and wanted to go
out that night as well. I was so conflicted, but i was gonna go to my
brother's show, fam first right? I guess..i mean i dun know which is
spose to come first, but i realized i didn't have any money and my bro
didnt have even to loan me, nor could he get me in free, i was gonna
have Tee come with me to the show cuz i know he'd pay my way as
well, but one of the disadvantages of dating a younger guy...he wasn't
old enuff to get it. So i didn't go.....
My cousins called again and i told them i'd be with my friend for a bit
longer, they then told me that THEY were going to MY BROTHER'S
show...ahhh...that kinda hit me hard becuzse it made me feel like i was
letting other people be more supportive than me, and worse putting off
my fam for
'sum guy'...but to my own credit...i didn't go to Tee's last show
either..so it not like i'm being more supportive of one and not the
other.
And also to my credit..Tee was the only one i knew for sure woulda
helped me out as far as paying my way and he couldn't go...=/ i still
feel bad though..Neway,..
What's with the new interest? A certain person who has remained a
mystery to me has suddenly wanted to hang with me more...Hmm? I dun
really get why, but..i find it weird, and i know it would hurt
one of my "old" friends..but i also feel it may be jus the kinda thing
they need to see the way they treat others....a lil taste of their own
medicine shall i say hehe...
And finally...the feeling of regret is one that i hate, so i'm trying
to live my life to the fullest ( at least i am now). Because i do know
what it's like to have something so special in your grasp and then lose
it...it's one of the worst feelings in the world, and all those times i
could have grasped it..i BARELY tried...and i felt so horrible watching
it slip away =/ The greatest CRUSH wasn't love or anything, but i
was soo dumb for not acting lol neway, i suppose that's why i embrace
this thing with Tee so much, with my last relationships
once he made me feel like we had a real chance i was ready to
stop the foolishness and stop playing, but it was too late, the damage
was already doen, but at least i know i tried. With this Tee thing, the
feelings are there, it's not forced , there's no bad blood, he hasn't
wronged me, i haven't wronged him, and there's no real reason not to
embrace it...because i know if it ended tomorrow and i didn't give it a
real effort, I'd be even more upset.
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