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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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My friend, one of the most negative people in the world has rubbed ooff on me, instead of vise versa me rubbing off on them. To this person i suggested spritiual counseling, perhaps i should take my own advice. But I'm not down and depressed and wanna kill myself. I'm not like, " i have nothing to live for" because even if no one else loves me, i love myself. I have so much to offer and give the world, i just have to stop being lazy and stop caring so much about idiots and get my priorities straight. I am not going to topple over and just give up on myself either, so perhaps i still need the counseling, but not for those reasons. I dunno, I'm not conflicted about God either, about his love or grace. I know what i need to do regarding him as well. I have the worst habbit in the world, procastination. I put things off, and off, and off. Right now, i could be on page 15 on my business plan, but i'm not even on page 5. So my question is, why does everything else in my life get so little of my time, attention, and effort? This business is my baby, i dream about it, i cry just at the thought of it being born, tears of joy, absoutely completion. But..... Instead of bsuiness books, and how to better my mind, i have a collection of "relationship" books. " Are You The One For Me" , and even sex books " 101 sex tips to drive him wild" ,"sex for dummies' and a special book all geared to the art of oral stimulation -yeah! (felacio) or however u spell it lol And thats just really a shame, i have so much going on right now, so much, i got things going great , and none of it really makes me happy because i currently have no one to share it with. Material things are so meaningless to me. And it's not that i need someone to complete me, because i complete myself. It's not that i'm just "lonely" because i'm used to being alone. It's just it feels so good to be loved, and for me, it's better not to have it than to lose it, because once it gone, i miss it so...much. | ||
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