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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

Something new..Aug. 7, 2005

Today my father would have turned 54? So young, his mother only lived to 52, ...sad. It was hard today, not thinking about him. Last year at this time i threw him his first EVER birthday party-which was a suprise for him. He loved it, he stepped through the door and did a jig, just like the old days before he got sick. He beamed with joy and  was so happy to celebrate with all of us, everyone came, and i was so happy to see his excitement . He went through 53 years with no birthday celebration at all , and  at least his last birthday , i'm so happy it was one of the best!

I'm ignoring love and emotions right now. I'm feeling poetic today , so what shall i write about, hmm , let's see, i wrote about a humming bird a few weeks ago. Blah, i dun feel like writing either lol.

I made a mixed rap cd today composed of old songs i've always enjoyed,  but the dumb thing messed up and wouldn't copy all the songs, tha sucked.  Hmm why am i trying to force an entry out, I've made all my other recent entries private.
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