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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

The concert, new ends and beginings..and love?Aug. 1, 2005

It feels as though i am fighting  in an imaginary war. I don't know who I'm fighting against, but i feel the battle scars.

My best friend besides God, you've always been. The only one who never judges, who'll always be there, who won't make me feel guilty, or sad, who always listens, who cares. My heart and mind is heavy now...so of course i run to you. Others have been subjected to you, and weary of what they've seenn or heard. (Lo siento) I do not mean to hurt or cause pain to them.

The concert was good, there were a lot of lesbians, and a lot of afro centric women. There were a few couples, and a few single ,men. Jill Scott was the best imo..*spoilers* I was fine right up unto the point she  did her song, " he loves me" ...such a powerful song...man...as hard as i tried to fight it it made me incredibly sad . I was like , no one even believes that he loved me, but i know he did, and i know i loved him, so it went belly -up maybe in vain, maybe it was the best, it's just very frustrating, and draining trying to figure it out.

Then it makes me think of someone else. Yes , i believe he really could be all those things Jull sang about, but am i really ready to put my heart through another trial so soon? Ahh so complicated...why do the matters of the heart have to be so hard.

On another note, i did the hardest thing i've had to do in quite some time l*** night, but suprisingly, i think it turned out for the best, despite what some haters tried to do, i think all will be well.
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