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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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goodness,
it's so hot outside...i can't believe it..i feel like im living in a
desert . When i walk out the door i feel engulfed by imaginary
flames. The air is dry, and the breeze, hmph, wha breeze? No a/c cause gas is too high....ughhhh i hate riding in the car with people like this. But wha can i say, they're driving, and i can't offer any gas money...so i just suck it up and ride lol. I make sure i bring me some H2o though, without it, i feel like im going to shribble up and d.i.e or at least faint. I been taking two showers a day..this immense heat has me feeling all sticky, nasty..and ughh...the heat index is 109...the actually temp is 99 ...go figure Last night was coo...better than i though it would be. I of course, didn't hit a club..man it's like im being forced out my the club hopping stage...i at least wanted to gradually grow out of it..but *sigh* ..unless i start going by myself or with a group of guys, looks like i jus wont be going. I didn't think about wha the day was supposed to be too much, i talked to the person, ackowledged what it was, then got overwhelemed and had to get off the phone. I was feeling better about not sticking it through, but ...I've put aside my happyness for a long time. I ignored the way i was feeling in terms that as long as HE was happy then it was worth it, but...it was too hard juggling me and other things for him to be happy..so i did what was best for me. L....ok, something has to change. I did it again....i put this person's feelings before my own. I mean discussed going to the movies, but never agreed..we also discussed who was going to come with us, but since tha person had it in their mind that the person i wanted to come had to work...she jus ***umed it would be me and her... So when i was like yeah he's going, it was suddenly a problem...I understand the 3rd wheel thing, but....there are always options. There are always ways to change the cir***stances. I understand this person doesn't want to be hurt by putting herself out there...but there ARE ppl she could have called to avoid having to step to someone knew. So uptight....so many ppl jus wanna get out and have a good time, but not if tha means being around someone who always seems so uhhh i dun even know the word for it. Anal retentive comes to mind...but there's a slight difference, because she's not anal..she's just super hostile lol but not towards me...mainly towards everyone else..especially ppl she doesn't too much care for. Where as all my other friends are jus like " whatever" cuz she doesn't realize that while she feels that way towards them, they feel even worse towards her but do they give her attitude? No....so...ugh it always puts me in the middle..and im not trying to be anymore. But anyway, i gotta go take a bath, hopefully someone else will come up with something cool, and inexpensive to do tonight, lol because i am diverse i like to mix it up and hang with all types of people, doing all types of things, and im getting older..running out of time to be free and hang like this.... | ||
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