7:22 PM - my weakness....

I have three very big weaknessness.( that right not are keeping me bond ) Ugh..it's so frustrating...i've been working so hard to overcome many things in my life and blahh..i get so close like i can taste it and then BAM one of my weaknesses come crashing it.

1.) Emotion ---imma water sign...very emotional even though i hide it very well. Hiding it makes it worse though, i become so...uhh i dunno engulfed with my own thoughts that they almost overtake me...my emotionz are extreme to...if im mad at u im really f****** pissed and nothing but prayer and praises God will ease the intense feeling. Same thing with every emotion...from love, to hate...whatever im feeling its to the extreme...

2.) Trust---ok this is tricky...cuz i never get it right, either i COMPLETEY trust the wrong people, or don't trust the RIGHT ppl at all =/  I've had such a bad track record in terms of trust that i always talk or think my way out of trusting anyone...and everyone

3.) Pride-- i never thought i was prideful until recently..but if someone wrongs me, (even though the Bible sayz luv thy enemy) i find it extremly hard..EXTREMLY..and im like they F***** me over so F*** them too =/ This is the worst...it drains me, when im around someone like this its very hard for me to not habor hard feelings. Ughh i'm come a LONG way, a LONG way lol but i see tha it's still a problem for me.

Anyway, right now there's someone who bend me over raw!...i mean with nooooo lube at all lol...but i want to put it behind me, i want them in my life and they want to be in mine..but geeezzzz it's so hard to get it out of my mind....to not constantly think this person is jus out to F*** me over again.

My ex told me i would miss out on a lot of good things by having this attitude. At first i thought he was bitter cuz he was a person who i was like F*** YOU! but, now i get it and he's right.

The bottom line is...people f*ck up, including me ....and i'd want someone to give me another chance right?

I want to serve the Lord  and if turning the other cheek, humbling myself, and ALWAYz being the bigger person is part of that then i have to trust him and when he gives me his words( the word!)  show him i trust him by obeying....