u wanna read this....trust!

here's an intro to my  " mission"...u can't get this on a  a survey!

If u've ever read my blogs then u kinda have an idea of wha im all about.  in short..i love Myspace...i love meeting new people and staying connected to ones i already know. But...i always pray and ask God to use me...use me to help others. And i've been through some things that i KNOW someone else has too. As much as i love sending silly comments and reading funny messages....i also want to open up my private pains to someome who can find a blessing in it.

My story....

Ms. happy go lucky, ms. sunny disposition always smiling, always flirting, always singing , dancing and acting silly. Even when i was mad i was still pretty chill( unless u really pissed me off lol) Well in 05 my best friend, my father died and i just about died with him.

Like most people in denial, i didn't think i was as messed up by his death as i actually was. I just partied more, flirted, dated more,   even fell in love again.  I thought i could just go on and put my pain in mans hands but...Man..none of that ish worked cuz *gasp* deep down i was still empty!

I thought everyone else was crazy.(my friendship with my best friend since 8th grade ended within months of  my fathers death-it was already on rocky terms, but she was doing some stuff that was just down right cruel but when he died it hit a boiling point..i couldn't handle it...  . How could she be acting like this NOW when i really need her the most???  All my friends, the guys in my life..i was constantly MAD/hurt at people  for doing insanely hurtful things...didn't they know i was ALREADY hurting. didn't they know how much i needed themmmmm?/ cuz i did need them  Righ?WRONG...and i quickly found out how wrong i was beeing that all those empty relationshipz  & friendshipz  failed.

I remember for the first few months after he died ppl always said," lacy is handling it so well. She's so strong!" No one ever saw my pain, i kept it buried so very deep inside underneath all the "fun". But i'd really just gone from one extreme to another. I took my wall down that was protecting my heart and fell  soooooo in love  that it felt like as long as i had him i could get all but ignore anything else going on. I put my whole heart in his hands and was jus like here, "take it and put it in YOUR body" lol. I ..i was living through him...

well when that didn't work out  it was like i had nothing else. I didn't wanna die..come on man i would never go there over a dude/plus i could always go out and get anotha if i wanted to..=x..but i  felt yet again so very betrayed.

" he never loved me! Another liar and enemy posing as a friend!" ---ugh...i felt so alone at that point and the people that were still around i began questioning  when they'd too shove the knife in my back. wtf did i do to deserve such  I had no joy left. My sunny disposition was all the way gone. I was ms. mopey, ms. cranky. Ms. bitter. I was no longer living, just merely alive.

One Sunday  about 8 mos ago in  church i sat there thinking bout all the things i'd "lost" and just began to weep.."this can't be life".." i dun want this to be my life!" my mother held me so tight that day. We never had a close relationship. She had no idea what was going on in my personal life...never seemed to care either...but that Sunday, she embraced me as if  we were best friends ! And thas the day i surrendered my life to God.

Since that day i've gone through some amazing changes which didn't come without overcoming obstacles. I am so at peace with my life  and the journey i have chosen . In allowing God to have complete rule and control of  my life that void has finally been filled!

No amount of love or friendship done without the Holy  prescense of God can  TRULY mend a broken heart.  

~My smile has returned. God is good, and worthy to be praised~