I've been eating a lot more... that much is certain... but gaining weight doesn't really bug me...

*Sigh* I just wished I had even a slightest clue about what's wrong with me... I mean, it's MY thoughts and feelings, so don't I at least get to know what I'm so ******* depressed over...?

It could be Sadie's... I mean, it is this Saturday and the mall thing last Saturday didn't go so well...

But... I don't think that's it...

Maybe it's my schedule... I mean, I had play practice today and Jazz Band right afterward, so I couldn't go to Amanda's house... and also the fact that when I got home right after school (practices start at 4:30) I was planning on just ditching practices all together because I didn't want to bother with them...

But, that can't be it... because I ended up going and having a good time anyway... and plus I still feel like ****...

It could be A.I.M. fest...

Nah...

Maybe it's all the load of graphic novel scripts I'm trying to do at the same time... But then it can't be, because I usually just blow off things like that for weeks, anyway...

It could be Joe's and Melo's friendship (aka: NONE...). It does have me a bit bothered, but I'm sure it will end up okay...

Sheesh... why the hell does figuring out something like this that has to deal with ME have to be so hard...?

Who knows...? Maybe it's all of the above...

Or maybe, I'm just screwed up psychologically... I have heard that analyzing dreams help...

The last two dreams I had weren't really that starnge... besides the fact that I was playing a screwed version of Kingdom Hearts in the last one (and I mean VERY screwed... a zombie version of Monstro, and Sora getting his arms chopped up within a "Shadow of Destiny" setting... o_0). And Melo was there, in the kitchen that was weirdly right outside my room, raiding the fridge, looking up weird stuff on the computer and trashing the entire table (no surprise there... j/k )

The dream before that wasn't really that weird... If I'm not mistaken, we were on a band trip... at some strange mall... coming from the nasty food court...

Some people were dancing in the aisle... (no surprise), wearing African ritual outfits (no surprise; kidding...), and Meh Infatuation was there... he was sitting in the seat across from mine... and... only stared at me a few times... he never talked to me...

Wow... as if that hasn't happened before...

That's how all the dreams I have with him are like... we never talk or speak or.... anything... Just look at each other, and then look quickly away...

Which sucks, because that's what already happens in real life...

Anyway... I'm thinking too hard... I think too many thoughts for my own thunken good... I feel better eventually... I always do...

And always go back to being depressed again... It's a cycle, you see...

~Metauru