I had a serious moment of weakness last night. I let myself fall into traps that my mind sets up just so it will hold me back and keep me from progressing forward with my life. Normally I would let a set back like this keep me in a self induced depression, but not this time. All I can say is F**K, and just move on from where I left off...

When I began to change my ways for the better, I was kind of lost and did not know where to start. I turned on the radio, I think it was 94.1 and this song came on and changed me. It has since become my theme song.  So I sing it now, cause I'm the one at fault:

"Breaking The Habit"

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight

My birthday is coming up. I turn 29 on Feb.12th. I just do not feel 29, I still feel 18 at heart. I really am just a big kid, someone who likes to just have fun no matter what.

The Funeral for my cousin is today. I did not go. I just can't do that. It is one thing to see a 80 yr old lying there, but to see a 22 year old would set me back in the worst kind of way. I finally stopped crying.

Song: Satellite - P.O.D

Movie: GoodFellas