This weekend was pretty rough. My cousin passed away on Thursday. At first I was in shock, then I talked to my Grandparents and then I was sad. It really did not hit me until Sunday and I basically fell apart. I missed work Saturday to spend time with my family. On Sunday the Y lets a church holds its service and the pastor could tell that I was "troubled", and I was. Sometime on Friday I lost my appetite, then I couldn't sleep, I literally watched the sun come up. Saturday it was the same, so by the time Sunday came I had about 2 hours of sleep and no food at all. I looked and felt like a Zombie. My boss was a complete ass to me and I just fell apart. It was so bad I hyperventilated. I've never done that. I almost passed out. It was awful, but damn did I feel better afterwards.  The pastor prayed with me and complete strangers were so nice to me, it felt good to know that there are still nice people in the world.

I spent my sleepless nights this weekend just torturing myself thinking about Darnell's last moments of life, if he was in pain? If he could hear everyone talking to him as he lied there in a coma?. That is not the best thing to do... but I could not think of anything else. I thought of his brother Chris and my Aunt Lyn and my Grandfather and how sad everyone was. No one should ever be that sad.

I'm still sad. I did not call any of my friends cause I did not want to talk to them. I only wanted to talk to one person, but I do not have his number mainly due to the fact that we only chat online. So I took it as a sign to work thru it myself. I did and that is why I am here now writing this blog.

Life has so many questions and little to no answers. I understand death and that it happens, but why? Why take such a young person? Darnell was only 22.

Song:  Toy Soldies -  Martika (I think)

Movie:  My Girl