I am on pins and needles right now. I am trying to get a mortgage to buy my friend's house. I am totally freaking out. I am so close to crossing out a goal on my Goal List. It is so crazy, and weird cause you kind of just put your whole life in front of some stranger and it is a really weird feeling to do that. So please, anyone if you read this, pray for me, send me well wishes. I will keep you posted. I need this house.

See this is the revised plan. Get a house, get a small biz loan, and then start my own company(not sure what yet). Then I can work for myself and sleep until 11am every day. That would just rock.

I got a weird phone call from Russ' babies Mama. She wanted to know if Russ and I were dating. I told her "no" then asked I her if she and Russ were getting back together. She said "no". She said the reason she was asking was because Russ told her that he "missed me".  So many feelings were running thru my mind, but I refuse to let this get to me. I'm glad he misses me cause I miss him. but we are strictly friends, and friends are allowed to miss each other. We've had plenty of fun times.

I hope 2006 is a better year. I have been thru so much this year it is crazy. I have learned so much, and lost so much. 2005 was such a rollercoaster. I hope I can just get myself to a better place. I need to be in a better place. I need to maybe stop "looking" for Mr. Right. Maybe Mr. Right will find me. I've really been in this semi-depressed state the past few months. I like being like this because it opens my mind more and makes me want to express myself in better ways. Because of this, I have been writing my ass off.  Here is a sample of something I wrote last night:

Looking for the answer

Knowing it may not be found

Trying to change what is me

Trying not to lose

Hoping for brighter days

Knowing it may never come

Trying to overcome fears

While holding back tears.

I really hate being so blah, but I can't get past it! oh well.

Song: Pass it, Pass it - Pharrell & Snoop

Movie: Pretty Woman