okay... I only named my blog this, because when I clicked in the 'title box', this phrase popped up, and I thought it was so delightfully random and funny that I would work with it. However, if you were looking for a short antic about courageously brave footwear, this is not the blog for you.
I haven't blogged in awhile because I haven't been able to, for many reasons. Time is always an enemy, but more so in the last week than ever before. I managed to stay up 30 hours straight one night/day (Sunday 3pm to Monday 9pm), slept 13 hours that next night, then was plagued with only 1 1/2 hrs of sleep last night (you never realize how precious rest is until its stolen from you).
Another reason I haven't been able to blog, is that I have been paralyzed by events that have quickly and painfully transpired all too suddenly in the last 4 days. I don’t give all credit to this week alone-- in all honestly, this is just bursting forth from a culmination of bad decisions, built on top of each other, until devastation can't help but ensue. In layman’s terms, what’s happening now is all my fault, I screwed up, and if I wasn't so caught up in myself I would have seen it coming.
I think this theme is obvious in my previous blogs --I obviously knew of my faults. However, God decided that I was [and am] finally ready to get over it, and so He induced that labor... or more aptly, purge. It happened through way of my Lord Jesus God friend first, and quickly moved up my spiritual life's hierarchy to a Pastor who has meant an innumerable measure in my life.
Let me pause to explain the worth of a personal spiritual mentor. Indispensable, irreplaceable, essentially indescribable, and unforgettable. From here on she will be referred to as P. L , for the sake of my lazy typing habits, but this does not detract from the respect and love and admiration I have for her. This woman was the first to care for me, first to ask after me, first to pray for me, she was the one God chose to reveal to me my calling through [although she didn’t not know it, and may still not know], and her and her husband were the first ones who confirmed it. She has believed in me, rebuked me, pruned me, prayed for me, forgiven me, heard me, been my friend, and been my mom -- even though there is a scant 7 [natural] years difference between us. If you don't have someone like P. L in your life, I implore you to begin to pray for God to reveal such a support for you.
At any rate, when I felt the impending doom that is the consequence of my sin, she was the only one I could think to call. Before I said anything, she told me God had put me on her heart to call the day before, and He had laid a dream about me in her mind weeks before. You may think that's coincidence -- but if you do, I would think you are blind to the intricate orchestration God has in every human life; you questioning whether He sees and foresees us. He does -- end of discussion.
So... now.... Im just moving with someone now helping me, where I had been planning on struggling on my own. Going anywhere on your own is dangerous territory. This reminds me of the phrase/book title No Man is An Island by Thomas Merton. Check it out, if this is something you've ever struggled with, or independence is a strong hold in your life like it has been for me. Despite what our culture values in independence, we were not created for that environment; we were created in God's image, and God is communal -- He Himself is a community of sorts, within the Trinity -- His whole oneness is founded in that community. How can you deny the divine nature that you were created to be a mirror of? It will kill you.
I'm going to go relax, pay my roommate back the 60 cents she doesn't know I owe her [love you Tonya] and go to dinner. Hope all of you have a good night.
KT
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