So today has been one of those days. I don't know.. I woke up on time, spent way too much time on my hair [its straight again as of last night... which requires more maintenance], and got to class. but as the day dragged on, class after class [I have 5 on MWF], I began to become a little lack luster about everything.
By the time I got to Spiritual Formation, I was drained; and for anyone planning to take that class or anything like it, I would suggest you don't put your most spiritually demanding class at the end of the day. It's a catch 22 really... I mean, it's nice to have nothing after it, so what was talked about can marinate, but at the same time, you're ready for the day to be over before you even get there.
So anyways, we had planned to do this exercise that is supposed to set the stage for the rest of the semester in the class; and that is, to pick a word that can describe/contain/define/elaborate on the issue of 'spiritual formation' in our own life, and write a 6-8 pg paper on that, over the course of the semester. I had many words ready for this day, but thats not what ended up transpiring in class.
The instructor, Mark Carter, is also the campus pastor, so right there ya know it's going to get heavy... and it always does. He changed things around today because of what happened in Monday's class period, where we reflected about the textbook we read [A Ragamuffin Gospel]. A lot of us were profoundly affected by this book, in such a way that he was compelled to really change the direction of this class in order to eventually take us where we need to be. In laman's terms, a lot of us were feeling really crappy about ourselves after reading the book, and he wanted to take us 'around the corner of grace to transformation'. Good choice.
So he opens by playing this song by Rita Springer, 'I Have to Believe,' and then we just went straight into prayer. Yeah... I cried. He cried. Many of us cried. This class kills me. We composed ourselves and went into heavy scripture about how much God's grace doesn't end at acceptance of us, but leads to transformation. Maybe as Christians we forget that... that grace is without purpose, isn't just meant to be an unmerited gift, because of our blatant need and lack of spiritual aptitude. It also isn't just to 'tide us over' until we get our act together. I got a lot out of this class -- as always -- but it still left me with a lot of things I'm still dealing with, and I don't know that I'm really at that place where I am able to turn the corner. I mean, I want to, but it feels like I don't have that ability... ugghh...
Another thing pressing, is that I am now being hunted by an gangle of health professionals. Actually, just 1, but that one wants me to go to 2 others as well-- and this means I will have to take a lot of time out of my already crunched week to devote attention to all the things wrong with me. Another uggh...
Yes yes... complainer. I'll shut up. :)
KT |
