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Finally a Place Comfortable...
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Undeserving
There is a pretty bad stigma associated with Christianity today; and unfortunately we've kind of earned it. Its that 'higher than thou' complex, that image of Christians that we think we are better, and we own the world, because our 'daddy' created it, and such. While not all Christians may feel the same as I do about this, personally, it nauseates me...
Lately more than ever, I am coming face to face with how undeserving I really am of everything. All that I am, all thats in my life, all I've been given, all the love I have -- there is not one thing I've done to deserve any of it. In fact, there are countless ways in which I have disqualified myself for all the wonderful parts of life I possess... the idea that I somehow am entitled to anything is simply ridiculous.
Somehow, however, I still find the nerve to request from God more -- more of Him, more from Him, and more to give back to Him... knowing I, within myself, have no place to ask or expect anything from Him, and nothing to give Him in return that equates to His gifts. Even the idea that I could have an audience with Him seems to me almost irreverant -- which makes prayer so hard sometimes. I'm not justified to do such things on my own.
I can say my justification is through Christ, the grace afforded to me through His death. That my worthiness is founded in my salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ... and its true. But is this enough to walk around as if I possess all characteristics of Christ -- as if I am Christ because thats who God sees in me after I become a Christian?
Most emphatically NO.
I think some Christians, in gaining their identity with Christ, lose their identity as someone still in need; some are losing their identity as still undeserving and unworthy. Thats something that we shouldn't lose -- because when we lose that, we lose reverence for God, and thankfulness for everything we have. Even more, we lose thankfulness for everything we don't have that we could have had -- all those things we do deserve.
I thank God that I don't get what I deserve... and I try to show that thanks through my life, in obedience when He asks anything of me. Im not always successful, and its never easy -- but its the least I can do to show love to an wonderful God who's blessed me with everything I don't deserve.
Thank you Father. I love you.
KT |
Posted: 3:25 PM, Apr. 22, 2006 |
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