this is my second year in self-imposed exile and another christmas goes by which i am spending alone with no one to be with and no gifts to exchange. thinking back to christmas past... i remember one year when i was a teenager.. probably about 13 years old when i wanted a radio controlled car so badly. at that time i think my dad was still stationed in korea so that we didn't have much money to spare. i decided to keep my allowance in a jar and tried to save up so that i can buy myself that present for christmas. back in the day, something like that was quite expensive and i knew i wasnt gonna be able to have enough money for it. things were really hard for my mum cause she was working all of the time so i was stuck at home taking care of my baby brother and little sister. i can imagine how lonely she was without my step-dad and how much stress she had to go through worrying about three kids being home all alone and how to be able to pay all of our mounting bills. come christmas morning when she allowed us to open our presents, i was really shocked and amazed that my mum got me such a useless thing as the car that i wanted. i think it was the best christmas i ever had. it is only after many years have passed that i can truly appreciate what she did for me and everything that she has ever done for me. i love you mum and am sorry for all of the pain that i have caused you.