just got thru chatting with alexandra a lil bit ago. not as weird as it first started off, at the end... talked to her honestly and as i would as if to one of my homegirls. i think i'm gonna be a gangster again. i was in 2 gangs growing up. one wasnt really a gang but just a bunch of guys hanging out and doing pranks every now and then. the second was an actual gang. we beat up ppl. stole  stuff, broke into cars and did lots of drugs. i was an "A" student until i got in highschool. by the time i graduated i was kinda an underachiever and was always getting into trouble. i was always in fights.. not girly fights with slappings but with fists and wutever was within ur reach. u see, in jr highschool i started taking chinese kung fu. it made think i was a bad-ass. i put my stepdad in the hospital when he hit me for not doing wut he said. i cracked his head open with a log. i was thrown into juvie for bustin up a dude with a brick. i've been stabbed, tooth knocked out, and skull fractured. i never turned away from a challange if someone wanted to fight me. having a really bad temper at that time didnt really help much also. man.. i had  broken into so many cars and stolen so much stuff and if we needed gas.. we'd just syphon it from cars parked at an apartment complex. we'd spend all nite cruising around for something to steal. i was always a contradiction. even when i was fighting and doing all kinds of bad stuff... i always had artistic talents. at that time i won several art contests and had my work displayed at various places. i didnt think they were that special but my art teacher thought otherwise. always loved music and was in band for 6 years. anyways... i started to give up being a gangster when i was caught stealing by the popo. i did some time and told myself i didnt really wanna be a gangster anymore. i stayed away from my fellow gangmembers and went straight. started going to college. dated a viet chick much older than me and helped me to be a good and productive member of society. no matter how straight i tried to stay, i still admired the gang lifestyle.

 i still had the hot rides. wore my hair in the trendy fashions of that time. hung out with dudes that played with guns. started having a career. had a house. my gang life seemed such a long ago.

 now i have nothing. yes i have a steady job but i'm not making enough money to have everything that i want. its funny but i never really wanted alot before. even though i'm older and should be alot wiser... been thinking about being a gangster again. i mean i can tolerate lots of pain. my mind and will power is quite strong. been working out everyday. body is still strong. even my coworkers say that i look pretty mean sometimes. well i'm gonna get me some piercings and tattoos so i can complete the transformation. gonna seek out the asian underground. i have a gun, a 9mm. i have no morals anymore. gonna give myself up to the dark side. sorry christian peeps thats reading this... but why try and be something that i'm not. small note: this isnt just some spur of the moment kinda thing. been growing inside me for awhile. just been trying to keep it in check cause of the females that were in my life at the time. now i have nothing and no one so why try and fight the darkness.

 no i'm not drunk or smoking weed. maybe thats the problem. lolz. laterz all and peace out.