i called her again. its been 14 months since we've seen each other and i don't know how long since we'd really talked, but we were able to actually ask some hard questions about each other. we both tried to move on with our lives. we tried dating someone new or had an "affair" as she puts it. we asians have a tendency to remain silent when we are agueing. thats one trait she really hated about me. she's the type of person that likes to talk things through... without yelling or being hateful. just reasonable talk. i told her that i finally found out what it felt like to be on the other end of the stick. that the last person i dated treated me as i had treated her. i guess that's the best way of learning... when someone does to u what u have done to others. we both kinda cracked up about it. i think i've grown alot since our separation, become a little bit more mature. yes it started off awkward again, but the laughter kinda brought us a little closer together. it was great to actually talk to her again. yes i've made many mistakes when i was last with her. maybe it was all my doing, but i really believe it was also due to the constant pain i went thru when i was with her. i had a tooth problem ever since we were together. the throbbing pain made me unable to eat or sleep. while at the same time i was also suffering from what we later found out was gall stones, which always gave me abdominal pain. it wasnt unusual for me to be bedridden for days at a time. all of these factors made me short tempered and quite irritable. any little thing that she did always seem to irritate me. looking back on it all makes me realize what kind of an ass i was. pain or no pain.... i should have never taken it out on the one that i loved. the past year now has been pain free. the gallstones i have been regulating with a strict diet. one bad tooth cracked and i pulled it out myself. (don't ask how, lolz) the other tooth was an emergency extraction when it finally cracked. like a miracle... as the pain left... so did all of my irratebility. coincidence maybe... but i think not. also a year without her has made me realize what i have lost. i was never really quite over her. perhaps it was fate that put an end to the last relationship i had. oh wellz... trying to think too much and analyze things again. she's gonna be busy tomorrow night so i'll call her on thursday, then the weekend. i'm actually looking forward to the weekend for a change. hey... at least now i have some hope again. have a great day and yall take kares.