october 7, 2005
been so lonely lately. can`t stop thinking about my life and how i miss someone to hug and kiss. well.. actually a certain someone. wink wink. finding solace in watching some dvd`s of pink floyd. if ur a rocker, u gotta check out "PINK FLOYD: LIVE IN POMPEII" filmed in 1972/73. i aint gay but david gilmour was awesome in his prime. its uncanny how leonardo di caprio looks like him. also watched "DAVID GILMOUR LIVE IN CONCERT" which was filmed in 2002. he looks old as hell but when he plays the guitar.. its weird cause u overlook his oldness and is awestruck by his skill and genius. mental note: gonna hafta learn to play guitar b4 i die. going back to my roots and downloaded all of pink floyd`s cd`s. needed a change so cut my hair and shaved the goatee. so ******* lonely. bleh~
been missing europe so freakin bad. a cold front came in today. it was like 50 degrees here. i love this weather. went to the park today. all the trees turning yellow. awesome sight!. watched an Indian movie called "ABCD". pretty ineresting cept that the chick in the movie was a real biatchy ho. its about an Indian mum and her grown son and daughter. the son is an accountant thats been engaged for 2 years to an FOB indian babe. he`s been living in the states for 20 sumthin years so is quite americanized but still wanna do the INDIAN thang just to appease his mum who`s a traditionalist. his sister is fine as hell but kinda shuns all the INDIAN thang. she dates only white dudes and pretty much kicks it with anyone that interests her. i.e. HO. lolz. well her mum sets her up wit an early childhood friend that she hasnt seen for20 sumthin years. she keeps putting him down and says that the dude only wants to marry cause he wants a green card. ooops.. gotta cut it short cause my inet time is runninout. anyways.. she finally finds the indian dude interesting and sleeps wit him. she says she cares for him alot but when he proposes to her after 2 dates.. she runs away from himand blows him off for the rest of the movie. she runs into an old bf that dumped her cause his mum couldnt accept an indian chick as his wife. they fight and she says that she never wants to be hurt by him again. yada yada yada. she bangs him. he asks her to marry him after the second date. she accepts and marries him even though she still cares for her indiam bf. her bro who was engaged to the FOB loses a promotion to his best friend. his best friend`s replacement is a white chick. mutual attraction occurs... after many days of working closely together. he fights the longing for her cause he was still engaged. the mum suddenly dies without warning. no more commitments to his mum so he breaks off the engagement with the FOB and tells her that he`s gonna do some travelling. she cries and says that she`ll wait for him. he says that he doeant want her to wait.
 weird ass movie cause the son never hooks up with the white chick. the daughter marries the white dude that did her wrong even though she really kared for the Idian FOB.

 its funny how we do things just to make our parents happy. he sacrificed his own happiness just to make his mum happy. i`ve lost many relationships due to the similar reasons. they sacrifice their happiness or hopes of happiness so they say for their parents. i guess i was naive and believed them. i now feel that it was cause of me and my actions that they left and they were being nice by putting the cause on somethin else.

REVIEW SUMMARY

Krutin Patel's film "ABCD" (the initials stand for American-born confused desi) explores the internal tug of war affecting upwardly mobile young Indian-Americans brought up in this country. Desi is a word for someone of Indian extraction living outside India, and "ABCD" a slang term of amused disparagement applied to those who deny (and sometimes attempt to cover up) their backgrounds. The central characters, Nina (Sheetal Sheth) and her older brother Raj (Faran Tahir), are both successful young professionals (she works in advertising, he in accounting) and both struggling with similarly conflicting impulses. "ABCD" doesn't make light of its characters' conflicts, nor does it try to resolve them with feel-good formulaic solutions. – Stephen Holden, The New York Times